Vaseline

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a  young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.  While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of  her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.   While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!  He's probably spent a lot of time in prison and hasn't seen a woman in  years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't  complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.  This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!" His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my  ear. He told me that he's gay, and thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too."